First of all, let me say that GOD is SO good! All the time. Even when we have a hard time telling ourselves to believe it or to see "His" Plan.....still....always perfect. Always on time.
Here's a rundown of the last week for you all....
Sarah's surgery was on Monday as you know. Monday afternoon, I nearly fainted at her bedside but we just thought it was emotions, lack of sleep, food, etc. I ended up being up with her all night Monday night and it was the worst night of my life. As her mother, to sit there and hear her ask questions like "Why did I have to do this, mommy? Other kids don't have to have heart surgery." and "Why did you let them hurt me, mommy?" Well, it was awful. I just sat there and prayed that she would not remember any of those feelings when this was all over. I can't imagine having to go through what she went through and be as strong as she has had to be at 5 years old!
Tuesday morning, I nearly passed out again in the CV-ICU and Todd had just returned. I went to the waiting room to lay down for a while and then he made me go to the Ronald McDonald House to take a nap. When I woke up, I had a high fever. I immediately knew something was horribly wrong. I never get a fever or sick. I rushed to the urgent care center at St. Luke's and was tested for the flu which came back positive. I was devestated. Immediately, I called Todd and he told her nurses. They started giving Sarah Tamiflu in hopes that it would keep her from getting it, as well. Basically, the hospital went into "panic" mode in all the areas I had been in. I am sure there were buzzers and red lights flashing all over the place!
I was then told I couldn't see her for 7 days. Devestated and depressed, I returned home to Lufkin on Tuesday afternoon to rest and get well. My illness only lasted less than 24 hours and I was totally fine and back to normal. I was upset to say the least that I got sick but even more upset that it caused me a WEEK of not seeing her.
Being seperated from her has been awful. I will never forget being at home Tuesday night. Alone. Neither of my children or husband near me and feeling so pitiful. These are the times in your life that you either turn away from God or you CLING to him for endurance. I chose to get closer. I read my bible and prayed and wept and threw fits and cried and just about anything else you can imagine. I sobbed until I finally fell asleep. Wednesday night was even worse. I had to call my little sister at midnight because I was crying so hard and hyperventilating and about to throw up I was so upset. I had a complete meltdown until she talked me down and got me calm. It took a while but I was able to go to sleep afterwards.
Over the few days I was at home, friends would call and I was so thankful to have loved ones who truly cared about me. There were food deliveries for me, anything I needed. Still, I was miserable. This was the darkest time in my life coming in above the day she was even born and rushed to Houston where I couldn't go for 3 days because of a c-section. I loved her at that time, too, but now....she wasn't a newborn that I hadn't gotten to truly bond with yet.
Now....she is my five year old partner in crime whom I spend every day with playing Candyland and going shopping. My little shadow who is always there with me no matter what. My little person. Seperation was NOT my idea of a good time.
On Thursday night, Jason got to come home to be with me. We decided we can be miserable together or try to be happy and do something that would get Sarah's spirits lifted. So, we decided to make her a silly video. We danced and lip-sync'd to "Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus and put it on you-tube. We were going to make it on Friday, but we planned it out Thursday night and then I said "Let's make it now." So we did!
About 30 minutes after we uploaded it, her daddy called us at 1a.m. and told us she was having a meltdown. I told him about the video and he immediatly pulled it up on the laptop for her putting her in a better mood. Talk about God's perfect timing! I was so glad we didn't wait until Friday morning to make it!
It is now day 6 of not being able to even touch her or see her. I am living minute by minute waiting to touch her once again. I cannot wait to be near her. I am totally well. I am completely recovered and anxious to get to Sarah! This year, for Thanksgiving, I will TRULY be thankful and remember the TRUE reason we celebrate this holiday. I will be thankful just to be IN the same room with my whole family at once. I will be thankful that Sarah's heart has been repaired and that she is a shining example of strength and love and determination. I will be thankful when she and her brother fight after being together a half hour and I will be thankful someone spilled their juice or wouldn't eat their veggies.
I will be thankful to be her mom....even if I've had to do it from a telephone for a week. And I will be thankful to be Jason's...without him having to deal with my emotions for once. Well, at least the sad ones!
I am not promising no tears for Thanksgiving this year....but no sad ones!
I hope you all remember to be thankful this week and thank God for your life and the stage you are in. Thank Him for the things that get on your nerves or make you want to scream....those are the things you could miss someday.
Here's a rundown of the last week for you all....
Sarah's surgery was on Monday as you know. Monday afternoon, I nearly fainted at her bedside but we just thought it was emotions, lack of sleep, food, etc. I ended up being up with her all night Monday night and it was the worst night of my life. As her mother, to sit there and hear her ask questions like "Why did I have to do this, mommy? Other kids don't have to have heart surgery." and "Why did you let them hurt me, mommy?" Well, it was awful. I just sat there and prayed that she would not remember any of those feelings when this was all over. I can't imagine having to go through what she went through and be as strong as she has had to be at 5 years old!
Tuesday morning, I nearly passed out again in the CV-ICU and Todd had just returned. I went to the waiting room to lay down for a while and then he made me go to the Ronald McDonald House to take a nap. When I woke up, I had a high fever. I immediately knew something was horribly wrong. I never get a fever or sick. I rushed to the urgent care center at St. Luke's and was tested for the flu which came back positive. I was devestated. Immediately, I called Todd and he told her nurses. They started giving Sarah Tamiflu in hopes that it would keep her from getting it, as well. Basically, the hospital went into "panic" mode in all the areas I had been in. I am sure there were buzzers and red lights flashing all over the place!
I was then told I couldn't see her for 7 days. Devestated and depressed, I returned home to Lufkin on Tuesday afternoon to rest and get well. My illness only lasted less than 24 hours and I was totally fine and back to normal. I was upset to say the least that I got sick but even more upset that it caused me a WEEK of not seeing her.
Being seperated from her has been awful. I will never forget being at home Tuesday night. Alone. Neither of my children or husband near me and feeling so pitiful. These are the times in your life that you either turn away from God or you CLING to him for endurance. I chose to get closer. I read my bible and prayed and wept and threw fits and cried and just about anything else you can imagine. I sobbed until I finally fell asleep. Wednesday night was even worse. I had to call my little sister at midnight because I was crying so hard and hyperventilating and about to throw up I was so upset. I had a complete meltdown until she talked me down and got me calm. It took a while but I was able to go to sleep afterwards.
Over the few days I was at home, friends would call and I was so thankful to have loved ones who truly cared about me. There were food deliveries for me, anything I needed. Still, I was miserable. This was the darkest time in my life coming in above the day she was even born and rushed to Houston where I couldn't go for 3 days because of a c-section. I loved her at that time, too, but now....she wasn't a newborn that I hadn't gotten to truly bond with yet.
Now....she is my five year old partner in crime whom I spend every day with playing Candyland and going shopping. My little shadow who is always there with me no matter what. My little person. Seperation was NOT my idea of a good time.
On Thursday night, Jason got to come home to be with me. We decided we can be miserable together or try to be happy and do something that would get Sarah's spirits lifted. So, we decided to make her a silly video. We danced and lip-sync'd to "Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus and put it on you-tube. We were going to make it on Friday, but we planned it out Thursday night and then I said "Let's make it now." So we did!
About 30 minutes after we uploaded it, her daddy called us at 1a.m. and told us she was having a meltdown. I told him about the video and he immediatly pulled it up on the laptop for her putting her in a better mood. Talk about God's perfect timing! I was so glad we didn't wait until Friday morning to make it!
It is now day 6 of not being able to even touch her or see her. I am living minute by minute waiting to touch her once again. I cannot wait to be near her. I am totally well. I am completely recovered and anxious to get to Sarah! This year, for Thanksgiving, I will TRULY be thankful and remember the TRUE reason we celebrate this holiday. I will be thankful just to be IN the same room with my whole family at once. I will be thankful that Sarah's heart has been repaired and that she is a shining example of strength and love and determination. I will be thankful when she and her brother fight after being together a half hour and I will be thankful someone spilled their juice or wouldn't eat their veggies.
I will be thankful to be her mom....even if I've had to do it from a telephone for a week. And I will be thankful to be Jason's...without him having to deal with my emotions for once. Well, at least the sad ones!
I am not promising no tears for Thanksgiving this year....but no sad ones!
I hope you all remember to be thankful this week and thank God for your life and the stage you are in. Thank Him for the things that get on your nerves or make you want to scream....those are the things you could miss someday.
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